Duterte talks about his asshole

This is your President speaking.

This happened last Friday, Sept. 21, at the third Inflammatory Bowel Disease Clinical Forum of Asia Pacific Association of Sastroenterology held at [Shangri-La Mactan Resort and Spa, LapuLapu City, Cebu |

“Now back to medicine. You know, I’ll just end my talk by just.. allow me to give you a vignette of life.

“Historically, I took after my mother who was always constipated. That was her complaint. And but she lived to be 96 years old. So if you want to live forever, pray for constipation.

“Well, I’m telling you the truth. And that was also genetically maybe. And I have a son, Sebastian. He got it also and as a matter of fact, he started to have a leak because of…

“He was also a patient of Joey. Joey said just plenty of water, plenty of water. Plenty of water, the problem is plenty of visits to the bathroom. You can go there for about four or five times because the bladder is going to burst. And then somebody, a Chinese… By the way my grandfather, the father of my mother was a Chinese guy and some of our relatives from China who were here, they visit. And my son was complaining about bleeding and there’s I said a leak.

“And this Chinese relative of ours said — I don’t know if you don’t believe it. But we do it in our place. We do it as a cure. You drink one cup of — it’s quite expensive here — bird’s nest because I think it’s all fiber.

“You just drink one bottle every night before sleeping. It’s just like a gelatin, bird’s nest. Very similar. Then you take Yakult. It’s a what? Probiotic. I’m telling you, I’m telling you on my oath as a worker of government I have not had any problem.

“But if you are new, you have to make adjustments because sometimes the calling to the bathroom can go as far as three times. But if you take it regular, every night, reduce it to ano… I’m telling you, you guys forget about your gastro thing. Really, if you are — if you — if that commitment fails, you come back and ask for reparations.

“I am telling you now and you can do it tonight. You buy the bird’s nest. It’s quite expensive here. It’s imported. I think China has the greatest supply of that.

“That’s the swallow — the swallows, saliva. To think that — really, wala ng ano, no more problem and my son is back to his business of womanizing.

“He does not want to work, he does not… So okay. And he was, I said because he’s complaining to me and when we had a dinner with our relatives, he said, “Pa, I am almost — sometimes I cannot address in front of the woman because I’m embarrassed, because sometimes there’s a piece of s*** there.” Sabi niya.

“Sabi ko, ‘You have a leak already, because of…” Ano ba itong almuranas na p***** i***** ‘to? Hemorrhoids.

“Tapos you know, totoo ‘yan ha. At least two already, my son and I. I can guarantee you. And I think the secret there is milk, of course, it’s — ‘yung probiotics. The other thing is — it’s gelatin — almost like a gelatin fiber. Talagang wala — no more need of…

“But I just had mine since it’s about two years ago my physician, she’s a lady, she kept on insisting that I have to take.

“The danger there is the joke is that the one that you stick on your ass, will be the one used also to stick inside your throat.That’s the favorite joke. Ah, hala ka. Punta ka doon. ….“

“I don’t know about this inflammatory. My… No, I’m not joking. But I’m just trying to tell you, my bowel movement is very good. It’s very — it’s soft, actually.

“So I cannot understand when you say inflammatory bowel diseases. What is inflamed, the — maybe the colon or the — the thing itself? Because sometimes it is big, sometimes it is small.

“Oo. Merong panahon na ano, ‘yung — it comes in trickles and very thin, poorly nourished, you would say. But sometimes — really, but sometimes it’s a — plenty of water, it goes just — it slides down easy.”

As I said, that’s your President talking.