Giving meaning to suffering

One of my favorite quotes on life and death is from the cartoon character Bugs Bunny passed on to me by fellow journalist Minnie Cadeliña.

From Bugs Bunny’s treasure chest of wisdom: “Don’t take life too seriously. After all, nobody has come out of it alive.”

Death is a sure destination for all of us. It’s a question of when and how for each and every one of us.

Another wise advice is from Steve Jobs, one of the founders of Apple Inc., whose time finally came last Oct. 5.

In his speech at Stanford University in June 2005, a year after he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, Jobs, the inventor life-changing gadgets, called death “the single best invention of Life.”

Here’s what Jobs shared: “No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

My greatest fear is a lingering,debilitating illness and a painful death. I would not want to be a burden to members of my family physically, emotionally and financially. When my time comes, I would like to go quickly and peacefully.

Our former manager in Malaya advised me to pray for it. But I know also that it is not mine to decide.

The day I was to have my consultation with the doctor on Nov. 4, 2003 regarding my unusual spotting (which turned out to be ovarian cancer), the passage in my Bible reading that day was Luke 22:42 about Jesus praying in the garden of Gethsemane before he was seized by the centurions.

The verse was Jesus’ prayer, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

That prayer has sustained me not only during my battle with cancer but also as I cope with life’s other challenges.

My mother suffered from Alzheimers disease for many years before she passed away eight years ago. It was heartbreaking to see her slowly lose touch and in the beginning I asked God why did she have to go through the ordeal.

I later on realized as I tried to cope with her condition that I was being changed. When in the beginning I bore her suffering as a burden, I learned to see it as an opportunity for bonding, late it may be, and service for her. Up to the end of her life, my mother was helping us become better persons

I also found valuable what Manila Bulletin’s Deedee Siytangco, former press undersecretary in the Cory Aquino administration (she continued to become Pres. Cory’s spokesperson even after she (Cory) was out of Malacañang) shared about how her late husband Sonny coped with the terrible pain of pancreatic cancer.

Deedee said a nun advised them not to dread the pain but to embrace it. She suggested that Sonny dedicate his suffering to a person in need or to a cause. That way the pain would have a purpose and would not be worthless. Magkakaroon ng kabuluhan.

Deedee said Sonny chose to dedicate his suffering to a seminarian.

We cannot choose not to suffer. But at least we can give meaning to our suffering.