(Holidays are a good time for reflection. I’m sharing this article I wrote for the Dec. 2004-January 2005 issue of Mirror Magazine)
There are things that we reserve for special occasions. Like, I use my
lovely handkerchiefs when I go to important meetings. I use my nice
sleepwear when I travel.
Upon discovery of my cancer in the ovary, I decided to wear those nice
things more often at home. I said to myself, “What for do I reserve these
things? I may not live very long.”
Cancer causes changes in attitudes and priorities. As I learned to value
each single day as a bonus from The Lord, and therefore must be spent
meaningfully, I was also faced with the dilemma whether or not to pursue
big projects that require longer time. That’s because surviving cancer
comes with the reality that the disease could recur anytime.
Should I abandon the European trip that I was planning with relatives?
Should I continue with the renovation of our house in the province? Should
I plan long term?
I adjusted my priorities, with my health as the top consideration, but I
did not altogether cancel my long-term plans.
My energy level is no longer the same as before chemo so I am forced to
give up projects which require extensive research. No more writing up to
the wee hours of the morning. No more investigative reporting for me.It was
very frustrating in the beginning but I consoled myself with the idea that
there is no dearth of challenging subjects to tackle without jeopardizing
my fragile health.
The other major consideration is finances. After graduating from
hysterectomy and six chemotherapy sessions, my finances were greatly
depleted. Any leisure activity that involved dollar expense had to be
shelved.
In cases where it is not easy to decide whether to abandon the project or
not, I ask for Divine signals. Like if a project involves a large amount of
money, I would base my decision on additional income. If I earn extra
money, I take it as a sign that I should pursue the project.
Sometimes things have a way of getting accomplished on its own. A fellow
cancer survivor related she had difficulty deciding whether to pursue her
earlier plan of having a vacation house in Tagaytay. On one hand, having
a place to relax away from the pollution and noise of Metro Manila would
be good for her body and spirit. On the other hand, building a house is a
stressful endeavor and she was worried she would not have the energy for it.
Then one day, her sister mentioned to her about a property for sale in
Tagaytay and suggested that they pool their resources to purchase it. That
means they would share the burden of supervising the construction of the
house. She took it as a made-in-heaven proposal.
Engaging in long term plans is, in a way, a survival tool. It’s positive
thinking. It’s telling the disease, “No, you cannot stop me from dreaming.”
I continue to enjoy dreaming. I continue to watch TV programs on country
decorating for ideas that I could use for our house in the province.
I’m saving money for the trip to Spain that my cousins and I are planning
to trace our roots in the town of Tordesillas.That is where the treaty
that divided the world between Spain and Portugal was signed in 1494.
Considering the diminishing value of the peso against the dollar and the
Euros, it may take a long time for me to save enough for our Spanish
odyssey. So what? Dreams have no deadline.
Welcome to the blogosphere, Ellen. Keep up the good work.
thanks
Fancy meeting you here, Ellen. Looks like my blogroll will get just a lil bit more distinguished…
Dean
Hi, Dean,
I’m still learning how to blog. I’ll put your blog in my links. I just learned how to do it this morning. Nakakatuwa, ano?
We miss you at our CGNakpil lunch sessions.
Oh but you’re always in my thoughts and prayers..am glad you are getting into this…it IS the future you know…and the future belongs to those who’ve faith in Libery and in Love…BLOGGING IS BELIEVING!
Dean
Ellen,
First timer ako dito sa Blog business. Thanks to you,na-discover ko ito. My younger sister was an ovarian cancer casualty at a young age of 51. But, there are many survivors and I pray that you will be one of them.
Atong
Welcome. I’m also new into this Blog business. I’m sorry to hear about your sister. I’m thankful for the bonus that God has given me. I pray that I will be able to use it more meaningfully.
I truly admire your courage in the face of your illness. It is during your moments that you can feel truly closer to God. And when God is with you who can dare go against you? Not even sickness can overcome you. Faith can cure anything. Did not Jesus said to the lame who walked: “Your faith has cured you?” So have faith in Jesus, take your medicines, do your therapy and your chemo, but always do them with a prayer to Jesus Christ and hold on to HIs promise that “I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU.” And one day claim “I AM CURED.”
Bernardo F. Ronquillo
Thanks, Bernie
Dear Ellen:
Don’t you know that the easiest person to talk to is Jesus? When He was still walking the streets of his hometown, someone came up to him and called him loud and urgent. “Son of David, help me!” No sooner than after He heard this cry, Jesus immediately went up to the man and asked him “Yes, what is it you want of me?” And the man again urgently answered, “That I will see”. And right then and there Jesus put His hands in the eyes of the man, and said “Then see!” And at that moment,a whole new world of vision opened up for that man. Because he trusted and had faith. You see, Jesus did not set conditions. He simply gave the man what the man was asking for, as if what he was asking for was just a loaf of bread or a drink of water.
I write this to you from a mind that is filled with nothing but absolute trust in the great love of God for me and from a heart that understands sufferings in my fellow traveller. I live because He makes me live and sustains me, having undergone many trials myself. I am no stranger to point of death situations. I guess this must be the reason for my strength and for my absolute commitment to see the reign of goodness and godliness restored in this little country of ours. I am like a horse blindfolded while being ridden by my master. I move forward and run and turn upon the movement of his hands upon my rein even if I myself do not see where he leads me to. This is the kind of trust we must have in Him.
Live Ellen, and make long term plans. Because the mighty God who hurled the stars up in the sky and curled the mountain tops, can stoop to see the welling of a teardrop and listen to a whispered sigh.
Thanks Emma for your inspiring message.
Prayers have been a great healing agent for me. and you are right HE listens.
nawala na respeto ko sa mga pulitiko talaga wala
sila pinagkaiba sa uod, kawawa naman ung babae na
rape ng mga kano yan! dapat damayan hindi hamakin
ang pagkatao ng isang biktima? bakit kung isang hostes ang narape ay wala na ba karapatan magreklamo?
hanggang ngayon maraming parin ipokrito sa lipunan
natin. sana mangyari sa pamilya nila yan para alam
nila gaano kasakit ang maramdaman nila . masama ito
pero ang tao kapag hindi nararanasan ay madaling magbitiw ng pahayag na parang wala lang , binababoy natayo ng mga kano sa sarili bayan natin kase madali
masuhulan ang pulis nbi militar lahat sila nakakasuka na pati simbahan wala pinagkaiba sa gobyerno pahirap din sila sa bayan , thanku puputi na ang buhok wala pa nagbago sa bayan natin .
Ms. Ellen,
I salute you for the courage you’re showing to people close to you and your readers. It is at this time that you feel that you are closer to GOD. Immortality is always at the back of an individual’s mind but it is also the moment that she/he redeems herself/himself.
My prayers are with you. GOD BLESS.
Thanks. Emilio.
Great Site!
Wow, amazing stuff you got here! My mom was just looking for this kind of information. I hope you don’t mind me copying it for her? Anyways, thanks and good luck with your blog!
I am so jealous of this site. Some very insightful comments. Make sure you keep this web page active.I will be back shortly.
Anybody know how we get an RSS feed for this blog? I am not very tech savvy and would really like to get updated info on this blog. Thanks!
I don’t know. I’m not techno savvy too.